Great! Congratulations! You carried a real human baby to term, birthed them out in some…
You and I both know I’m new around here, but I heard it’s nice to give thanks this time of year. And since you do so much for me, I’d feel like a real a**hole if I didn’t take a moment and let you know how I feel. So mom, please hear this:
Thank you for feeding me. Thank you for keeping me safe. Thank you for crying with me. I feel less alone when we can both let our guard down and just cry about it.
Thank you for sharing your body with me.
I realize I didn’t do a great job of leaving the place how I found it, I definitely didn’t clean up my toys, but I didn’t know about that kind of thing yet. I was solely focused on getting out so I could meet you.
Thank you for holding me, rocking me, cuddling me.
Being with you on the outside is even better than when I was on the inside. Your smell comforts me the most and your arms are my home. And I move my arms! I couldn’t do that before!
Thank you for somehow magically knowing exactly when I need something.
And springing into action a second before I start crying. It blows my mind every time. Like in the middle of the night, you’re already there by the time my eyes open! How do you do it?!
I don’t know if you know this, but I chose you. I chose you because we are meant to be together. Everything about you is exactly what I need. I need you to know that you are enough. You’re more than enough.
You are my greatest teacher and I’m yours too. The best part? We get to learn a lot of things together. Things like…
- How far I can project my poop. Can you believe how far it went? Thank you for laughing about it and not shaming me.
- How much you know! You already know how to crawl, use a fork, where my hands are…it’s incredible!
- What we like and what we don’t like.
- Sleeping used to be easy and now it’s hard.
- How we fit into this big, cold, crazy world.
- Gas and pooping can be scary.
- What it feels like to be in this weird, changing body.
I also would be remiss if I didn’t also apologize.
I’m sorry about the sleep thing. It wasn’t cool, but we’re learning. It still sucks though. I’m also sorry that I’m so needy. I know it’s intense, I feel it too. Thank you for being with me in this.
I’m sorry it’s been a rough transition. We were both taken from a life where things were predictable, safe, and under control. And now here we are. Everything is different. The world seems both too big and too small.
I’m sorry for how difficult it is. But I’m really happy I get to do this with you, mama. You are seriously made of magic. I love you.
Open mouth kiss,
P.S. The reason I throw my pacifier out of the crib at night is because I want to see you. Just had to get that off my chest.